What I am thinking at 5 AM that prevents me from sleeping
Why am I awake? I went out for some drinks last night so it is understandable to wake up in the middle of the night because you're thirsty or need to open a window for some fresh air but this is absolutley ridiculous. It's been about two and a half hours....sonofabitch I just accidentally erased about everything I just wrote, stupid laptop touch pad, it's so over sensitive!! It's like a little high school girl after a bad first date. Let's see where was I. Oh, I was writing about how I can't sleep and I have thought about everything that is possible to think about. It started with ...I hope I didn't say any drunked stupid remarks last night that I will have to feel guilty about for a week until I say something else stupid....to....what my first actualy memory was...which I am not really sure. It is a tie between the song Sugar Pie Honey Bunch and trying to give these old people a ride home in the pooring rain. Or maybe that is the same memory. This part of my life always made me wonder. I know for a fact that this was the first time I realized people judged one another...and I'm not sure at what age you are concious of what other people think. But this I think is my first memory and my first memory of being judged. I was with my dad and we just finished eating pizza(surprise). We were at Edwardos. They have fantastic thin crust. Anyway, this part is blurry but we somehow met this really old couple there and just shared a few words quickly. They left before we did and by the time we left it started pouring rain, really really hard. So we start driving and we see this really old couple walking in the rain. So my dad pulls over and offers them a ride and they kindly refuse. I didn't really get this. I mean, I know you're not supposed to take ride from strangers but what is a guy that drives a 82 oldsmobile station wagon formerly known as "the silver bullet" with a 5 year old little girl really going to do to you? "Hey Meg, let's pick up these old folks, drive em home and then when they are getting out of the car I will pretend to help them but really hold there hands behind thier back and you take thier wallets, oh and take thier fake teeth to, Im sure we can get something for those." Who says no. Afterwards it was forgotten but that is when Sugar Pie Honey Bunch came on the radio....see what Im talking about, why am I thinking about this shit. After thinking about work for a while I started thinking about emails I have to respond to. One which was a reply from my mom and my aunt. I sent them an email last weekend telling them my theory about Ellen Pompeo from Greys Anatomy. My theory was that when I imagine my mom as a young person this is the lady that she makes me think she looked like. And this only happend recently because I just learned of said actress. Both my mom and my aunt replied "I can see why you would think that because they(I) have similar features but your mom (I) was much prettier than that." Which makes me laugh and also feel like I really got gipped in the looks department. I mean, if my mom was hotter than a really pretty actress in Hollywood and my dad was this hoodlum punk from the city who probrably wore a white T-shirt and a leather jacket in the 70's, or wait, no I think he was more John Travolta in the 70's....I think I know where most of my looks came from. But you know what, fuck that because I have a kick ass state of the art Harry Potter scar drapped over my forehead that you can't miss. Take that hot mom and ugly dad! Moral of the story: procreate with people who are as equally ugly or pretty as you so your kids don't resent you.
The next email I wanted to write was regarding new years eve and how I want people that I know to go the the New Years Eve party at Murphs like last year. Which made me think about how fun last year was until psycho ex-bf showed up stalker style and caused a huge scene. Which was repeated three months later last year. Which made me think that there is a small percentage, I think I decided on %15 that I think psycho would come back and try to inflict physical harm to me. I decided he would have a knife instead of a gun for some reason because I think if he was going to stab me it would be quietly and discretly and somewhere where he could watch me be in a lot of pain. That is where I concluded that I wouldnt let my paranoia at 5 AM prevent me from going to a New Years Eve party, I would just have to make sure that I have a bathroom buddy each time I go to the washroom....problem solved.
I thought about eating some cereal but I decided a week ago that just because I go out and drink once a week doesn't mean that the following day can be a eat until you want to vomit food fest. For some reason every time alcohol enters my body 10 hours later the only thing that can make me feel any better is some yummy yummy comfort food. This is where the eating carrots and apples and soup all week in order to fit into my pre-graduatory clothes goes right down the sewer pipe. Where are you self control?? I think you are at the bottom of either the 2 buck chuck (which is really 4 buck chuck in Chicago) or in the basement of Ceasars The Killer Margaritas Baja Cantina.
Speaking of Baja Cantinas I think I have to meet some old "friends" of mine that I once knew when I was a drifting nomad in the depths of hell in PHX AZ. This makes me nervous for many many reasons. 1. I don't remember how or why we are friends in the first place because I don't remember doing anything in AZ accept drinking and wanting to drink so I could forgot where I lived and what I was doing with my life which was nothing but wasting time and dying my hair darker and then watching it go blonde from the blinding sun which I tried to avoid the best I could 24 hours a day. Thats right, the sun does not set there. Woo, If I put that sentence into Microsoft Word I bet it would be all red and full of run-ons and fragments. But guess what? Im not in 7th or 6th grade anymore so fuck you Mrs. (I use too much hairspray) Buckheim and Mrs. Dessner. I really liked Mrs. D, she was nice to me and had a funny accent. Anyways....ok number 2. I hate having to update people on my life...and it's not just old friends it's everyone, including grandma and grandpa...and they are the trickiest because they forget about 5 seconds after you tell them everything......please don't ask me where I live, what I've been up to, what's new and what I do for a living and then follow up with, that's cool, do you like it? are you going to marry your boyfriend? how long did that take to heal? what phone plan do you have? and I hope the trial goes well and they find you not guilty. Number 3. There are pretty much a million reasons and Im just going to stop here.
I wonder if I can turn on the tv and eat some cereal. I bet Sunday morning cartoons are about to start.
If I ever did cocaine I imagine my thought process might be something similar to this. Maybe not exactly the same thoughts because I imagine I would think about why I did Cocaine and if I will want more and what my life as a cocaine drug addict would be like and if it would involve some sort of sex drug trade and if I could actually go through with that...but I guess that would just be a testimony for my love of cocaine......but It is similar or I think it would be similar because of the speed at which I am thinking right now. I am not like most people. I am relaxed from the inside out. I do not think quicker than I act. Each think I say and do is carefully thought through and mentally processed at the spped at which I inted to do it which is always slowly and safely. I am in no hurry. But for some reason my mind is in a hurry right now and I think I know who to blame. Ill give you one guess and I'ts not cocaine because I have already stated that I have never done cocaine, it is Starbucks....which I guess is somewhat equivalent to Cocaine. Not only to I loathe Starbucks I can't stand the fact that they are always there for me and when I have limited choices in life I always have the one choice which is to go to Starbucks and order something that is just going to make me come back and order something else again in approximatly 24-48 hours. So I stopped drinking coffee last spring for a number of reasons...but I since then I have regained controll over my life. Now since I somehow lost controll over my professional life and am forced to work 7 days a week I also lost controll over my endless love for coffee and my willingness to refuse it......which brings us to 3pm yesturday when I go to Startbucks and they treat me like the scum of the earth and I give them all my money and they give my drugs in the form of a tasty liqified sugary treat with a side of un-cooked reduced fat bluberry coffee cake which I am sure has drugs in it too....which brings me to why I think I am wide awake 15 hours later.
The next email I wanted to write was regarding new years eve and how I want people that I know to go the the New Years Eve party at Murphs like last year. Which made me think about how fun last year was until psycho ex-bf showed up stalker style and caused a huge scene. Which was repeated three months later last year. Which made me think that there is a small percentage, I think I decided on %15 that I think psycho would come back and try to inflict physical harm to me. I decided he would have a knife instead of a gun for some reason because I think if he was going to stab me it would be quietly and discretly and somewhere where he could watch me be in a lot of pain. That is where I concluded that I wouldnt let my paranoia at 5 AM prevent me from going to a New Years Eve party, I would just have to make sure that I have a bathroom buddy each time I go to the washroom....problem solved.
I thought about eating some cereal but I decided a week ago that just because I go out and drink once a week doesn't mean that the following day can be a eat until you want to vomit food fest. For some reason every time alcohol enters my body 10 hours later the only thing that can make me feel any better is some yummy yummy comfort food. This is where the eating carrots and apples and soup all week in order to fit into my pre-graduatory clothes goes right down the sewer pipe. Where are you self control?? I think you are at the bottom of either the 2 buck chuck (which is really 4 buck chuck in Chicago) or in the basement of Ceasars The Killer Margaritas Baja Cantina.
Speaking of Baja Cantinas I think I have to meet some old "friends" of mine that I once knew when I was a drifting nomad in the depths of hell in PHX AZ. This makes me nervous for many many reasons. 1. I don't remember how or why we are friends in the first place because I don't remember doing anything in AZ accept drinking and wanting to drink so I could forgot where I lived and what I was doing with my life which was nothing but wasting time and dying my hair darker and then watching it go blonde from the blinding sun which I tried to avoid the best I could 24 hours a day. Thats right, the sun does not set there. Woo, If I put that sentence into Microsoft Word I bet it would be all red and full of run-ons and fragments. But guess what? Im not in 7th or 6th grade anymore so fuck you Mrs. (I use too much hairspray) Buckheim and Mrs. Dessner. I really liked Mrs. D, she was nice to me and had a funny accent. Anyways....ok number 2. I hate having to update people on my life...and it's not just old friends it's everyone, including grandma and grandpa...and they are the trickiest because they forget about 5 seconds after you tell them everything......please don't ask me where I live, what I've been up to, what's new and what I do for a living and then follow up with, that's cool, do you like it? are you going to marry your boyfriend? how long did that take to heal? what phone plan do you have? and I hope the trial goes well and they find you not guilty. Number 3. There are pretty much a million reasons and Im just going to stop here.
I wonder if I can turn on the tv and eat some cereal. I bet Sunday morning cartoons are about to start.
If I ever did cocaine I imagine my thought process might be something similar to this. Maybe not exactly the same thoughts because I imagine I would think about why I did Cocaine and if I will want more and what my life as a cocaine drug addict would be like and if it would involve some sort of sex drug trade and if I could actually go through with that...but I guess that would just be a testimony for my love of cocaine......but It is similar or I think it would be similar because of the speed at which I am thinking right now. I am not like most people. I am relaxed from the inside out. I do not think quicker than I act. Each think I say and do is carefully thought through and mentally processed at the spped at which I inted to do it which is always slowly and safely. I am in no hurry. But for some reason my mind is in a hurry right now and I think I know who to blame. Ill give you one guess and I'ts not cocaine because I have already stated that I have never done cocaine, it is Starbucks....which I guess is somewhat equivalent to Cocaine. Not only to I loathe Starbucks I can't stand the fact that they are always there for me and when I have limited choices in life I always have the one choice which is to go to Starbucks and order something that is just going to make me come back and order something else again in approximatly 24-48 hours. So I stopped drinking coffee last spring for a number of reasons...but I since then I have regained controll over my life. Now since I somehow lost controll over my professional life and am forced to work 7 days a week I also lost controll over my endless love for coffee and my willingness to refuse it......which brings us to 3pm yesturday when I go to Startbucks and they treat me like the scum of the earth and I give them all my money and they give my drugs in the form of a tasty liqified sugary treat with a side of un-cooked reduced fat bluberry coffee cake which I am sure has drugs in it too....which brings me to why I think I am wide awake 15 hours later.
posted by Fred Jones at 5:13 AM
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Best. Post. Ever.
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