Salmon and cookie dough do NOT mix
It is Friday night and I decide to check my email at 11pm. I seriously don't know what is better then receiving a letter from your boss asking if it's okay if we cancel work tommorow at 8 am. Seriously what is better than finding out at the last minute that you don't have to go to work? When does that happen? A cure for cancer is certainly better, or possibly a pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage and black olives that helps you lose weight is obviously better..... but for right now, this moment i get to sit here and be happy that I don't have to wake up at 7 am on a Saturday morning. Ah....happy day.
Now here is an idea. They should make keyboards for laptops that glow in the dark. This is useful when it is late at night and you don't want to wake other people up with lights. I sit here and type in the dark but keep having to tip the laptop up and use the light from your screen that bounces off of your keyboard to properly locate the correc3t key you're looking for. Most people's respnce to that might be "learn how to type, remember 6th grade?" Well, when they put that oh so highly durable, non- penatrable piece of white paper taped to the keyboard over my hands I may have taken a peak here and there. I apologize Mrs. Beam. But I did always love your Q-tip looking hair doo. And it is quite possible that I still can't type properly because the real true goal in 6th grade computer class was to get the highest Oregon Trail score without dying in the dirt of dysentary. I remember trying to get out of school by telling the nurse I had dysentary that year....I don't think it worked, but I will tell you what causes dysentary is Salmon and cookie dough.
The Salmon and Cookie dough diet by M. Keenan
It's loosly based on Dr. Perricones diet which includes lots of salmon and tuna and some egg whites and some fruit. Actually it's a tasty regiment of food if you ask me. ...Technically there is no cookie dough on the diet but I didn't seem to get fatter after eating a little cookie dough the first or second night so I decided that cookie dough is indeed part of the Perricone diet....until tonight. Never eat more than 2 squares of pre-made cookie dough. You get a sickness in the stomach that has no end. A part of you is scared because you don't really know how to cook fish and don't know if it was spoiled and dont know if it was bad to only pay $1.99 for a filet of salmon, but the other part of you wonders if it was the combination of cookie dough and salmon and then the other part wonders if this is the real reason you should actually cook the cookies. If I go on the raw diet will raw cookie dough be a part of it?
Anyways, this diet is supposed to make you look 10 years younger. Now, I doubt that it will make me look 16.....but wouldnt it be funny if diets claimed that they made you "feel" 10 years younger instead of "look" 10 years younger? That would be awesome. All the sudden I have really bad grammer, I can't drive anywhere, I hate everyone and everything, wear really baggy clothes, sometimes wear my dad's clothes because he has an old embroidered shirt that says "Steve" on it.....I start smoking pot and ciggarettes and drinking and pulling bongs......Im really like totally into the dead again and feel the music...This diet rocks....pass the cookie dough.
Now here is an idea. They should make keyboards for laptops that glow in the dark. This is useful when it is late at night and you don't want to wake other people up with lights. I sit here and type in the dark but keep having to tip the laptop up and use the light from your screen that bounces off of your keyboard to properly locate the correc3t key you're looking for. Most people's respnce to that might be "learn how to type, remember 6th grade?" Well, when they put that oh so highly durable, non- penatrable piece of white paper taped to the keyboard over my hands I may have taken a peak here and there. I apologize Mrs. Beam. But I did always love your Q-tip looking hair doo. And it is quite possible that I still can't type properly because the real true goal in 6th grade computer class was to get the highest Oregon Trail score without dying in the dirt of dysentary. I remember trying to get out of school by telling the nurse I had dysentary that year....I don't think it worked, but I will tell you what causes dysentary is Salmon and cookie dough.
The Salmon and Cookie dough diet by M. Keenan
It's loosly based on Dr. Perricones diet which includes lots of salmon and tuna and some egg whites and some fruit. Actually it's a tasty regiment of food if you ask me. ...Technically there is no cookie dough on the diet but I didn't seem to get fatter after eating a little cookie dough the first or second night so I decided that cookie dough is indeed part of the Perricone diet....until tonight. Never eat more than 2 squares of pre-made cookie dough. You get a sickness in the stomach that has no end. A part of you is scared because you don't really know how to cook fish and don't know if it was spoiled and dont know if it was bad to only pay $1.99 for a filet of salmon, but the other part of you wonders if it was the combination of cookie dough and salmon and then the other part wonders if this is the real reason you should actually cook the cookies. If I go on the raw diet will raw cookie dough be a part of it?
Anyways, this diet is supposed to make you look 10 years younger. Now, I doubt that it will make me look 16.....but wouldnt it be funny if diets claimed that they made you "feel" 10 years younger instead of "look" 10 years younger? That would be awesome. All the sudden I have really bad grammer, I can't drive anywhere, I hate everyone and everything, wear really baggy clothes, sometimes wear my dad's clothes because he has an old embroidered shirt that says "Steve" on it.....I start smoking pot and ciggarettes and drinking and pulling bongs......Im really like totally into the dead again and feel the music...This diet rocks....pass the cookie dough.
posted by Fred Jones at 11:42 PM
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